Thursday, March 24, 2005

Why I have a Living Will


Said the world as they took the feeding tube away from the living baked potato Terri Schiavvo. In retaliation, Terri pooped her pants.

"Feed me!" said Terri Schiavvo.


said the Supreme Court.

Well, if you haven't closed your browser windows because of my insensetive nakey-dance, I must explain myself a bit, but in order to do so, I must go back twenty years, back when you were probably bouncing around in your daddy's trousers....

Back then, in the stone age in which I spent most of my life, I had the good sense to write a living will. I wrote that if anything were to happen to me where I wasn't ever going to be able to make a conscious decision as to my own mortaility, the doctors have the OK to pull the plug out on me. While this is a sad thought, to be sure, I was willing to put it all on the line so my kids don't have to squabble about whether to keep daddy plugged in so he can live the rest of his life out in a hospital bed.

"But why would anyone want to live a life like that?" you may ask while scratching your ass and picking your nose simultaneously. Well, hard decisions are hard to make, and when it comes to Human Life, a little religion called Christianity seems to have the most voice in this world of computers and microwave dinners. Some very vocal Christians want to preserve every human life, regardless of their living conditions, while us no-good black-hearted "Pro-Choicers" seem to be intent on eating every baby ever in existence. But I'd just like to make one point: Poor Terri was barely a human at all. If she what she had been after the accident, she probably wouldn't want to be alive in the form of a vegetable who is fed through a tube and wreaks havoc on the hospital's electric bill. I know I wouldn't.

And this brings me back to my living will. While my kids promised to respect the living will, they have failed miserably. One of the stipulations was that if I got too old, they would get the 12-guage in the attic and shoot daddy between the eyes. Seeing as I'm still slowly falling apart like a 4th grade orchestra's rendition of Flight of the Bumblebee, I consider my kids to have failed me. I hope that you weren't too offended by this post, but I promise that my next post will be about bumblebees and sunflowers. Have a wonderful week, everyone!


Blogger Laura Bowen the 1st said...

It is total crap that in this country a person can starve to death. I do not know Terri Shiavo personally. I have never met her, so I can't say whether or not she was a "vegetable" and deserved to die. But it seems to me that if they're going to kill a person they should at least do it in a "humane" manner. When your dog is sick beyond recovery do you let it starve to death for 2 weeks? No. Why then is a person forced to suffer like that? Maybe it is true that Terri Shiavo had absolutely no relevent thought in her head for the last 15 years, but there isn't a person in the world who can convince me that she couldn't feel pain and hunger.

9:20 AM  
Blogger Claude Peace said...

While it's a valid complaint that Terri was let go in an extremely inhumane way, I do not regret anything that I have written. That post was a deprication on the fact that a personal family matter became the hot news story of the millenium. It is completely silly that we heard about this case every time we turn on the news when hundreds upon hundreds of poeple die every day from starvation, foreign (unnecessary) wars and even genocide. The life of a vegetable going topsy turvy in a legal debate should not be the only thing i see on the news.

12:14 AM  
Blogger Stevie said...

I have to agree with Laura that starvation is a terrible way to die but what bothered me the most about the whole mess is the picture of Terri that all the news channels spread around...and you, too Claude. The woman suffered from bulimia. I'm sure that she would be horrified that everyone's mental image of her was a mangled and ill woman.

4:13 PM  
Blogger Emilie Lenglain said...

I would definetly not want to be kept on life support and eat out of a tube and im christian lol. Last nite on South Park Kenny was on life support as a vegetable and he had to save the kingdom of god from Satans army by plyaing psp lol. So Chrisitians wanted him to die lol

4:51 PM  
Blogger SwiftD24 said...

The real issue here is why is this such a big case? I'm sure theres more like this, this is just a cover case to hide up real stories that the media is afraid to talk about.

8:44 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home